This is worse than any insomnia I had during the actual academic semester when I had actual things to lose sleep over.
I think this is being caused by a combination of things. Amplified jet lag. Lack of yoga or other excessive. Worrying about what I'm going to do this summer. Getting overstimulated by socialization and video games. If I'm not hanging out with real live people then I'm hanging out with my merry band of adventurers in Neverwinter Nights 2. I think the bright screen of my laptop is tricking my brain into being awake. It's like staring into the the sun.
The editor of Culinate actually e-mailed me back. She said I was early, and that I should actually apply around March. More and more, however, I feel wary about a publishing internship. I sincerely doubt that I'll actually end up working in publishing. I was attempting to get an internship so that I could be 100% sure instead of 90% sure. But I keep thinking that I'd be better off just taking a summer art class at community college and getting that pesky art requirement out of the way so that I can take more courses in my actual academic field of interest.
As usual, I'm full of anxiety about the Future. I lie awake stare at my ceiling and think about all of the miserable ways I could waste me life. I soothe myself by looking at graduate school admission requirements.
"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to live in Utah," I think to myself.
The writing's slowed down. It's still happening, but mostly in my head and not actually on a keyboard. I'm simultaneously working on three things. Two pieces of genre fiction: "No Alarms and No Surprises" and "Population Control". One piece of semi-experimental fiction that doesn't yet have a title. It's influenced by Faulkner's stream of consciousness technique and David Foster Wallace's short story "Girl with Curious Hair". It's evolved a lot since I started working on it in the spring. If it gets finished it will be a very nasty piece of work. The kind of thing I'd almost want to attach a pen name to, to distance myself from the vitriol and the inferiority complexes and the sex.
If I have one serviceable draft by the end of winter break I will feel okay.
It's 4:51 AM and I am still awake.
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Comments
It would be TERRIBLE to live in Utah (no offense Kayleigh). Of all four corners, Utah is by far the shittiest, and Arizona has Phoenix so that's saying something.
Of the four corners, Utah and Arizona are red, New Mexico and Colorado (now) are blue. I barely remember Tuscon (and Sarah could tell you), but Tuscon, AZ is pretty nice. It's near the border, though, so it's hot. Phoenix is huge, false, and roasting. Utah has obnoxious Mormon culture outside the big cities. I don't know what it's like in Southern NM, but in the north it's hella dry, beautiful, and it's cold, so I'm happy.
Obviously I have mixed thoughts on Colorado. It's probably the most mild of the four corners, but I haven't spent time in the areas that are actually considered "the Southwest" (aka Not Denver or Boulder).
So, Southwest = Mormons.
Sorry for all the commentary. I am so bored.
Also, I get the whole vacation boredom thing.
And if it makes you feel better, I'm pretty much writing because I'm bored and not sleeping. Fun times.
I don't feel much of a connection to this place anymore, but it's certainly gorgeous. Flying into the Salt Lake airport always makes me happy. Brigham Young, though feverish and crazy, picked a great place to build a city.
I just spent the morning talking to a lawyer and could actually see myself coming back here to workâthere is definitely shit that needs doing in this state.
Utah Mormons are definitely a different breed, though. There's a lot more pressure to conform here, and the church does a better job of being all-encompassing. But really, this wouldn't be much of a problem in SLC. The liquor laws are a little annoying, but a lot of people are putting pressure on the senate to change them right now for economic/tourism reasons.
So, if you are not stuck in Fruit Heights like me, it actually isn't that bad to live in Utah. The politics are a little annoying and the air quality often sucks, but minority communities are often more fun. Utah Democrats are really awesome, and they are pretty much desperate to find people who kind of agree with them.
Er. Yes. BACK OFF MY HOME STATE LAUREN.
And you can get a cup of coffee, it will just have to come from someplace like McDonald's because the local economy won't support a full-fledged coffee place.
Also, dont' forget to talk to your dad for me. Love you!
- Tori
Have a great 21st, even though I'll be gone by then.
Also, hope you're sleeping better.
But Radiohead makes such good story titles! And I really doubt your thesis contains post-apocalyptic pulp. So it's probably safe.